Claire Hooper’s Vampiric Love Advice

I’m a fan of Good News Week and one of the regulars is Comedian Claire Hooper who has written a book. I’m curious about it, especially because it’s taking the piss out of the romantic vampire craze, and I know other GNW fans so I thought I’d post about it. At some point, if I ever get to read it (which I’m hoping to do after I read my massive back log and finish playing Mass Effect – might be awhile), I’ll plan on reviewing it. It’s also not out yet, but will be available on the 25th of May.


We know that vampires exist, and that we really, really want one. So how can you score your own gorgeous immortal? And how do you keep a relationship alive when your partner is one of the eternal undead?

Claire Hooper has a wealth of experience when it comes to dating guys who can’t go out in sunlight, aren’t suitable to introduce to your parents, and quite possibly have blood on their hands. In Love Bites she shares her insider’s knowledge, taking you from go to whoa to vampire ho by answering questions such as:

‘He’s been around for hundreds of years. Are there any pick-up lines he hasn’t heard?’

‘I’m the beachy type. Will my natural, healthy glow put him off?’

‘I know vampires are really into virgins. Can I just tell him I am one? Or will he read my mind and find out the truth?’

‘I know that traditional wedding photography isn’t possible, but I’d like a souvenir of our big day. How long will a portrait artist take to do a wedding party of 12?’

If it all goes according to plan, you’ll also need to know how to wean him onto animal blood, where to put his coffin, and how to resolve that all-important eternal life question – will you, or won’t you?

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